Sexuality, femininity and intimacy

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Transcript

As far as the sex part goes, I felt not very feminine. Of course, when I had no breasts at all, I felt self-conscious of my scars and everything. So I talked to my sister about it, just so she just kind of helped me go through it. And I’m, he won’t even touch my scars. I didn’t know if he was grossed out by them or what he thought but I think he just didn’t want to pay any attention to them. And so, there was a bit of, kind of, difficulty. He’s like "Yeah, I don’t care, I don’t mind." But it’s not like I want him to fawn over my scars or anything but just have it not be affected. And so, I think that I felt like there was, it just, I didn’t feel sexual. I think the Tamoxifen kind of did that too. Also the Effexor as well, all of those things made me feel not sexual for a while. Just giving birth. I was heavier and just the lack of sleep. So there was, there’s a period of time where things were very difficult for us as a couple. We both dealt with it in our own ways. And for me, I couldn’t sleep and I think I drank more alcohol at that point in time too. Just because, I just wanted to feel numb. I just didn’t want to feel crappy so... or I wanted to be able to get to sleep at night.

And now, I don’t find, now we have a great relationship and we have for a few years. I do think having the breast put back on, but I can’t tell how much of it was how I felt about myself or how he felt about me. I know that he loves me and he loved me and all that kind of stuff but you still want to feel desirable to your partner too.

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