I wrote this and I don’t remember again this is from June 2003. I wrote this to my husband. (reading) “It can’t be just about you anymore, I’m scared, I don’t want to be sick, I don’t want to be cut up, I don’t want more scars. I’m not going to be the happy one all the time anymore I will change, cancer changes you whether you want it to or not. This is my worst fear, this is a nightmare. Even if I get better, I have cancer for the rest of my life, it is always going to be there. Will I live? Will I have to have radiation? What will I feel like, look like? Will I get fat? Will I lose my hair and youth, then I say and you think about you.” (stops reading) And this was actually, probably I was away when I wrote that.