Even chemo brain, that was something that you read a little bit about. I did not anticipate... I thought "Oh, I won’t get chemo brain, I’m always reading, I’m always doing this." I couldn’t remember the word vacuum, I was describing the machine that picked up dirt off the floor. Little things that you take for granted every day, I couldn’t put together in a phrase... that was frustrating at times. So again, I’m at physio and I said to my therapist... she asks how things are going and I said "I think I’m losing my mind I can’t remember things, things that I’ve done every day I’ve taken for granted." Just the fine motor coordination things as well, not just the verbal. I would look at things going "I don’t know." When she said "Oh, you need to talk to so and so or come to this meeting or here’s a resource" It was like "Oh thank you I’m not losing my mind." This is part of this treatment but when you can’t find information on it... wow.
It scares you and then you start thinking is cancer in my brain? Because you’re in a vulnerable place where you have no control. At work they were very good with my chemo brain and I came back and I said I’m not back with an A game. The one I had before I left, I’m hoping at best it would be on my B, C or D game. I’ll let you know. So everybody was great, they knew hot flashes would hit me hard. At first it was uncomfortable for me and for them, you know, you’re in a suit, you’re at a table and making decisions and whoosh! You are beet red and you’re like pour the water on me somebody. It’s become more of a joke now, everyone’s at ease with it. My brain thoughts, my speech patterns have come a long way compared to where they were when I started the back to work. Just again, it’s the routine getting back into the swing of work life and home life has helped me to recover as well definitely.