Uncovering how and why caregivers care


I am determined that when we got married it was for better or for worse and it was forever. So because we’ve lived together, it’ll be 64 years in November, and we have never had an argument so our relationship is very close as well as being man and wife. And so, I don’t think of it as a problem; I think of it as just part of our life together, and I can look back and see all of the years that we’ve had that we’ve done some things that we wanted to do, and we’re still able to do them because I—do some of them—because I’m able to drive. And having driven since I was 16 years old, that I really know how to drive. And so we do go places occasionally, but when it comes to deciding to go for sure, he would say “Do we have to?”

Well [my husband] is 4 years older than I am, but like I said we’re both in our 80s and I think it has to be your relationship before these things happen. Like I said, we have never argued. So our tolerance and patience with each other has always been there so it’s not that difficult. I mean I get up some day and I think “Oh well, I’m going to do this, this and this,” and then it all turns around because he needs attention and then I think “I don’t have a life of my own.” But I do have a life. This is the life I chose, so I don’t have any complaints. But I realize a lot of people just can’t. And when he becomes less mobile, it’s going to be harder yet, but I said “We’ll probably have 2 choices. We’ll probably have to have a caregiver come in every so often.” That will help with him bathing and so on and so forth. And other than that, we just play it by ear I guess from day to day.

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