Trying to find the right balance

So, I came back here, my wife was in the hospital and, well, I slowly familiarized myself with the environment. It took some adapting to return. And so, that was… Then next, well, my partner returned and we started in terms of our relationship… a little different as well as seeing thing and I… Some requests were made, the difference at that moment was that before I left, while my perception or my views were, well, my partner is in a particular context, and I will do everything that is in my power to prevent her from suffering, so that she can enjoy life as much as possible. So, when she made a request, I tried to respond as much as possible, and then… But there were requests that weighed me down, or that I found heavy, that I had difficulty to respond to, or I was like reacting to, but with my view of things, it was to allow, as much as possible, to experience pleasant things. 

Ok, when I had requests, I was there and I was weighing the pros and I could allow myself to say, “No, I’m not comfortable with that.” Or I would say, “Yes, okay, I will do it.” So, it was like different, and I was much more selective, anyway, in my perception of things. I was much more… When I returned, the demands were like… we said, “We tried organizing everything during the six months that I was not here, so you can continue to organize yourself, and you’ll use me the least possible.” And little by little, it was like balanced. There was a trade-off at one point. I was trying to fulfill all the demands. Then I left, responded to nothing at all. And now, I try to find a balance, a balance that I set to respond to the needs. It’s when I receive a request, sometimes, that rings inside, it’s grrrr… You know, I am like reacting, and I am not comfortable with that request, and at that moment, I’ll say it. And then in a normal way, I will say, “Well, I’m not able…” I will not fulfill it. And then sometimes….

Sometimes, maybe, I will… I will not be too comfortable, but I will think about it and […] this discomfort will fade away and I will be able to respond to this request. So, I am in the… and I am in the process of balancing, trying to have balance between what I am able to fultil, and what can be offered. Or the requests may be fulfilled by someone other than me. And I am in the process of managing that and balancing it. And I am aware that it’s not perfect. But, in any case, me personally I live much better in the situation I am here. I have the impression of having a better balance and…

Anyway, me personally, I live much better now.

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