At first Amanda1 didn't recognize herself in other people's stories, but the group helped her realize that others were going through the same thing.
Transcript
She was born in November. So um, you know, here I am off work again and um struggling with uh struggling with a newborn at home. Once she, once her jaundice was taken care of and, and um it was pretty hard. I felt really numb. I didn’t know anybody else kind of at home with a baby at the time. And I there were like different groups. You know like there’s the mom and me time at the library and the childhood early years centres have, you know, story times or whatever. And I, I’d go t some of those but I felt different from all the other moms I didn’t fit in. I, you know, they were just not in the same place as me at all, you know. Um they didn’t quite get why I was so afraid. Um they didn’t quite understand if I sort of revealed anything about missing my twins or losing them. I felt more rejected like I just didn’t want to hear that. It’s like “Oh there’s the crazy lady with the dead babies.” Not, you know, “Oh I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” You know. So I didn’t really want to go out to any of those things.
For me the depression, I didn’t feel it didn’t feel like depression I don’t think because I’d been grieving. Like I didn’t feel sad in the same way I wasn’t crying all the time. You know, I was I felt not happy but, you know, I didn’t feel connected to my daughter. I didn’t feel happy that she was around even though I kind of was. I just didn’t feel connected to anything. And um and uh going to this group and hearing these other moms talk around the table. Like I guess I always felt post partum depression was crying all the time. And um I wasn’t doing that so I’m not depressed. Um or, you know, grieving is crying all the time well I’m not crying all the time so I’m not depressed. But realizing that I was cutting myself off from everybody and including, you know, my daughter and not, not really connecting with her or not playing with her not doing anything other than the bare minimum. Um that too is post partum depression. And so um the group helped me realize that others were experiencing it and it wasn’t just because I was the crazy lady who had a dead baby. You know, um that you can feel those things without, without that.
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