Anxiety kept building throughout the day when Aurore couldn't finish the tasks she had planned.

Transcript

I hadn’t accessed that, because it’s usually… actually, this is interesting… it’s usually during the day when I’m alone with him, where, because I’m feeling the anxiety build of what’s happening for him, trying to get things done around the house, and then by late afternoon, things have built during the day, if I have not had a positive day. So if I’ve not been able to get out of the house, if I’ve not been able to go for a walk, if I’ve not been able to get to a programme, or if I’ve, you know, tried to feed myself and him, and I’ve not been successful in feeding myself. So then it kind of culminates at about four o’clock, and at that point, it kind of feels like the day is winding down, and so I just let it go, and start to prepare him for bed. Like start to prepare his dinner, and bedtime routine starts around seven o’clock, so I just look forward to that day being wrapped up.

Interviewer: So… but what are you feeling on a day like that?

Oh, I feel… sometimes I’ll feel sad, sometimes I’ll feel frustrated and disappointed in myself, that I wasn’t able to make it a better day. And that I… it’s a mix, that I wasn’t able to get the things done with him that I had wanted to, and feeling frustrated about that, because I used to able to do so much more. And so it involves a lot of self-talk to realise… and this is where it’s been helpful with talking with the public health nurse, and my counsellor, to realise that I can’t do what I used to do, because his well-being, and taking care of him is the utmost importance. And so that means laundry, dishes, meal prep. If it gets done, fine. But keeping a baby alive is the most important thing in this operation, right? Like it’s the most important thing on a day-to-day basis, and, you know, I’ve had – I’ve had somebody say that to me, like that’s the most important thing you’re doing, and so, at the end of the day, when that’s done, and your baby’s back asleep, check, you’ve done it. Anything else is bonus.

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