Christine didn't feel any drive to see her newborn and just wanted to lay in bed and let her husband take over the baby's care.
Transcript
So, I only nursed for maybe three or four days. And then I just started pumping, I thought I don’t need to… It was never important for me to breastfeed, like that was never a, I wanted to give him breast milk. But it wasn’t important that I breastfed, pumping was fine to me. So, after a few days, I said, forget it too much, I’m just gonna pump.
And I tried just doing that. But I would have to wake up every two hours to do it. And that was exhausting. So, if I wasn’t pumping, I was laying down in bed. And my mom, I remember that day stayed all day when he was two weeks old. And I stayed in bed the entire day, I barely saw my son, I didn’t feel this drive to go and see how, see him or hold him. I just wanted to lay in bed.
And I could hear my mom on the phone with her friend saying she was worried about me. And my mom’s someone who’s she doesn’t get overly worked up. So, I knew oh, she’s worried about me something must really not be OK with me. And I felt guilty that I was taking advantage of her to just be there all day so that I could sleep.
And then my husband would come home from work. And I would make him deal with my son because I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t handle it. The idea of being alone with him made me so nervous because I felt really sad and really anxious. So, then I called my doctor and I said, I just think I need to come in and talk about… I remember as soon as I called, she said “What did you want to come about?” I just started crying and said, I just think there’s something not right with me. I’m just not feeling very happy.
More from: Christine 3
More content
- Advice for Policymakers – ChristineChristine says that the system is under-resourced when one staff member's illness can shut down a whole service.
- Seeking and Finding Reliable Information – ChristineChristine searched online to understand what was normal or not for postpartum depression as she wanted to understand her symptoms.
- Gaps in Health Care System – ChristineChristine advocates for more maternal health care after delivery.
- Work, Finances and Mental Health – ChristineDespite good working conditions, Christine still struggled when the baby was born.
- Support from Family and Friends – ChristineWhen Christine finally saw how worried her mom was about her, she realized that she was not okay.
- Managing Personal Challenges with Sleeping and Eating – Christine (clip 2)Even though her family tried to give Christine time to sleep, she still could not fall asleep and would often just lay down and cry.
- Managing Personal Challenges with Sleeping and Eating – ChristineChristine didn't feel any drive to see her newborn and just wanted to lay in bed and let her husband take over the baby's care.
- Managing New Routines – ChristineChristine wants people to know that you will adjust to a new normal and things do get easier.
- Bonding – ChristineChristine couldn't believe that she didn't feel a bond with her newborn and wondered what was wrong with her.
- Coping with Feeding – Christine (clip 2)At her birthday party, Christine started to cry while telling her friends she wanted to stop breastfeeding but was grateful for their supportive reactions.