A vicious circle of not being able to sleep and anxiety led Erin2 to worry about accidentally hurting her baby because of the tiredness.
Transcript
No, it’s OK. I’ve talked about this a lot because I’ve been through a lot of therapy. So it’s like OK for me to talk about but you know I still get emotional over it still sometimes. [crying]
The anxiety was the worst for me. The depression was bad, but the anxiety was the worst part about it. The constant worry. The thoughts that you feel like you can’t control them. They’re just constantly spinning. Like they can give out your worst case scenario. Like what if this happens? What if – a big thing for me was around sleep. Because I wasn’t sleeping well because of the insomnia. Which was induced by anxiety which is like a very vicious circle. So you know I would worry well like what if I can’t fall asleep tonight? And then I would get to that point where I was going to sleep, and that’s all I was thinking about. Like ugh, what if I don’t fall asleep? And if I don’t fall asleep I’m not going to feel good tomorrow. And if I don’t feel good tomorrow then I’m going to feel depressed and if I don’t get enough sleep, like if I don’t go to sleep right now I’m not going to get enough sleep to feel good tomorrow. And then it was just like a cycle of that all the time.
And so – and then you know, once you don’t sleep for a day or two the anxiety just gets worse just based on lack of sleep. And so then you start thinking you know worst case scenario and like what if I fall asleep holding him on the couch because I’m so tired? What if you know something happens and I smother him? What if…. What if I don’t wake up and he’s crying or you know just like – and then your mind starts going to like worst case scenarios.
Like the anxiety is such a tricky and really awful thing. Like what if the house catches on fire? What if I don’t wake up because of that, because I haven’t slept in three days? It’s such a monster, anxiety and that’s yeah. That was the worst part about it for me.
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