Having gone through two miscarriages Michelle1 felt anxious about her ability to carry a baby full term.

Transcript

Well, so there were all these, in retrospect, there were all these factors that were happening during my pregnancy and red flags that popped up that would have been warning signs I guess for post partum depression and anxiety, things that would increase my likelihood of having it. But of course I didn’t know post partum anxiety existed. So, we had trouble conceiving my son. I had had a couple early miscarriages and was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, so, even having PCOS, which is the acronym, is an increased risk for post partum depression and anxiety. But coupling that with the losses, early on losses that we had, we had two or three, it made me very anxious about the fetus and whether or not I’d be able to carry a baby, a healthy baby full term. So, that was one, one thing. And then the other was a very – the most important person, and my husband knows this, the most important person in my life passed away and that was my paternal grandmother. So, she passed away actually while – the same week I found out I was pregnant, she was in the ICU for a week and I was there that whole week. So that was a very traumatic experience, watching her die.

No, I don’t think if someone said a one off comment like that – if someone had said listen, post partum anxiety is a real disease, it exists, I’ve been pregnant or I’ve seen pregnant women and the level that you are going to, to avoid risk and try to protect your baby is much more than any other pregnant mother that I’ve ever seen and I think maybe you should speak to somebody about it. That might have caught my attention, particularly if it was a medical professional.

But like I said I did not know post partum anxiety was something, like I just didn’t know it was a category of anything. I knew about anxiety generally but that was more like – I attributed that to more like – like panic attacks for example. I don’t know what the clinical definition of anxiety is for a quote/unquote normal person that hasn’t given birth. But like social anxiety for example not being able to interact with others in large groups. That didn’t apply to me. So, even the far off idea that I have of anxiety as a mental disorder was so far removed from being worried about the health of my baby.

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