Michelle1

Age at interview: 35

Five or six weeks after the birth of her son, Michelle felt like she wasn’t coping well with motherhood. She had frequent and extended bouts of crying, wasn’t bonding with her baby and began to feel overwhelmed by her situation. She was struggling to get through the day and felt a profound loss of identity. At first, Michelle thought this was just what many new parents feel. By the time she realized it was more than that, she had sunk into a depression. Eventually, Michelle re-visited the perinatal psychiatrist she had seen while she was pregnant. By chance, a hospital bed was available, and she decided to admit herself to see whether sleep deprivation was the root of the problem. During her week in hospital her depression deepened until she no longer felt like doing anything at all. Eventually, anti-depressant medication was prescribed, and Michelle’s mood slowly began to improve.

In addition to medication, Michelle made a number of other changes that proved helpful. She transitioned her son to formula so that others could share the work of feeding him and she could get more sleep. She felt increasingly able to get out of the house, go for walks and participate in mother and baby activities. Michelle also attended a postpartum support group where she met other women who were facing similar challenges and where her experience was acknowledged and validated.

Michelle emphasized the need to recognize that new motherhood is not necessarily the joyful experience it is often portrayed to be. For her, caring for a newborn was exhausting, stressful, boring and associated with a loss of her identity as a working professional.

While she describes her son as still primarily bonded to his father, Michelle is now enjoying motherhood and is feeling a much deeper sense of connection to her baby. Her son is happy and healthy.

 

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