At 4am, without sleep, Susan felt she regretted everything and just wanted to sleep again.
Transcript
I was just awake all night worrying, being anxious, being upset, watching her sleep, if she ever did sleep, trying to get a bit of sleep myself, which I barely ever did. Suddenly I didn’t want to be a mom. I remember when, I think it was four nights, when she was four days old sitting in my living room with the Christmas tree lights on. It was 4:00 in the morning and I hadn’t slept yet and I had her on my stomach because that was the only way that she would sleep at all and I just remember thinking, what the heck did I get myself into. Why did I do this? Why did I want so badly to be a mom, to have a baby? Why did I want this? I regretted everything about it. My husband was asleep in the room next door, sound asleep, didn’t wake up to any of the screaming, or the cries, and I thought, I want that back. I want to be able to just sleep again. I want to feel like myself. I want my body back. I don’t want this little person attached to me every single minute of every single day. I want that independence back.
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