Knowing that she could reach out to the women in the support group anytime without being judged saved Susan many times.

Transcript

I also went to a postpartum depression support group and that group helped so much. I was there during the thick of the postpartum depression. There were six of us and we all had babies around the same age and we were all going through very similar things even though we had different life styles and different backgrounds we were all feeling the same emotions. And it really helped to know that there were other people out there who were feeling the same way and we still keep in contact.

And honestly I think those girls really saved my life many times and you know, knowing that I could reach out and tell them what I was feeling or what I almost start to cry, I almost did and knowing that there was no judgement there because when you’re going through this you feel like everybody is judging you. You go to mom groups and there’s that perfect mom sitting there beside you. Her kid looks great. She’s showing pictures of her pitoresque perfect nursery and you’re there and your kid looks like a homeless kid because they’ve barfed all over themselves many times and you look like a wreck because you haven’t slept in forty-eight hours and you just, you don’t want to be there but you’re there because you want people to think you’re okay.

And not one person in that group knows what you’re going through and you don’t want them to because you don’t want them to think that you’re anything but a good mom. And so when,you know, going to those groups you feel out of place. You feel like you shouldn’t be there but you go anyway because you so badly want to feel like you should be there. You want to feel normal again. You want that feeling that you think all these other mothers have.

I remember the first day I walked into the postpartum depression support group. I came in late. I’d had a bad morning with my daughter, and my daughter and I came in, she was screaming, I was upset and everybody was looking at me. And I sat down and started trying to make a bottle and holding her at the same time. Formula fell all over the place and so then I started shaking the bottle and the lid wasn’t on right and it went flying all over. And I was so embarrassed and I thought, oh my gosh, these girls are going to think I’m just horrible, right? And like my kid is screaming and I can’t keep my shit together, you know? But really I found out later that they were all wanting to help so bad but didn’t want to offend me by saying can I help you. When really I was thinking in my head I wish somebody would ask, could they help me, you know?

Interviewer: And is that how you found the support group as well?

Well actually the way I found the support group, I had my daughter at the baby clinic at the hospital and I was waiting for four hours to see the doctor and, yeah, four hours to see the doctor and I saw this poster that was on the wall and it was for the, Not What I Expected Support Group. And so I called to get a bit more information and the lady said yeah, this group sounds perfect for you. So that’s how I discovered that one. It wasn’t very well known in the community but I did let my support nurse know about that group and let her know that, hey, there are things like this in the community that you guys don’t even know about yet. So you know, make sure you tell your other clients about it because it really is a great group.

Interviewer: And how is the group run? Is it like a focus group?

A social worker and she runs it and it’s kind of, she facilitates it but it’s more kind of self-led. So the members of the group sort of lead it themselves. We come in and we have a different topic that we would talk about every week. So for example, one of the weeks we talked about loss of identity. You know, who were you prior to having a baby and how did that affect you? One week we talked about how we deal with distressed situations, you know, when things get really bad and you feel like you’re at the edge, what do you do, how do you deal with it?

We talked about some particular situations that each of us had had and that one, I remember that group in particular was a very raw vulnerable kind of day for all of us because that was the day that we all really opened up to each other and told our stories. And we, we talked about, you know, our darkest moments and what we did during those darkest moments and how would we overcome them in the future. So we all were all very raw and vulnerable that day. It was a day of healing though I think for all of us really because I think for most of us we hadn’t told anybody else about all those times. We’d kept them to ourselves and finally being able to open up about them in a room where you weren’t judged, it was good.

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