Coping with Feeding
The women we spoke to talked about how specific challenges related to their efforts to feed their babies affected their mental health. They described positive and negative experiences that influenced their mental well-being, including issues with the feeding experience itself, the type of feeding chosen, the baby’s behaviour, and decisions related to any medication they were on. Judgements from others, along with self-imposed pressures and expectations, often led to feelings of guilt, failure, and inadequacy around feeding.
Challenges with feeding infants are not uncommon for anyone with a newborn. You can find help from your healthcare provider, public health service, lactation consultants, support groups like La Leche League and by connecting with others who are or have experience with breastfeeding or other forms of feeding.
Please see the resources section of this module to find information and support for feeding infants that is available in Canada and elsewhere.
There were some unique challenges depending on the feeding method used – whether it was breastfeeding, formula feeding, bottle feeding or any combination. There was no ‘one size, fits all’ solution; everyone’s situation was different, shaped by personal factors and choices. In their search for solutions, people acknowledged that what worked for one person might not work for another.
Feelings Around Feeding
Participants described adopting a range of approaches to feeding such as choosing one particular method, or a mix of different methods, or switching between methods, such as breastfeeding to formula feeding over time. While many saw their feeding choice as personal, it was influenced by a range of factors, including the ‘breast is best’ culture, their illness and related medications, advice from health care professionals, and the opinions of partners, family, friends or even social media. At the same time, those we interviewed emphasized how important it was to support others in choosing the feeding method that works best for them. Some mentioned that ‘fed is best’ or ‘mom is best’ regardless of the feeding choice.
While Emma doesn't regret persisting to continue breastfeeding despite difficulties, she also respects those that choose to not breastfeed.
Transcript
With my first, it didn’t, I didn’t even think about it with my first. It was very natural, no issues. With my second, I did have to get him lips and tongue tie revisions. And there were times, because he had colic and he would cry and scream, and he […]
Surprisingly, people were less forgiving of their own choices and expectations compared to how they felt towards others. This sometimes led to harsh self-judgements when they could not meet their own expectations for feeding their infants. This was especially true for those who wanted to breastfeed but were unable to for various reasons. Not being able to provide their preferred feeding method often triggered feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and failure.
Emma described feeling like a failure and broken when her son constantly cried and screamed. Kalli felt like she was failing her baby because she could not nurse him and worried about whether she was doing harm to him as she could not calm him. Several other women shared doubts about whether they understood their babies‘ needs, feeling panicked when feeding became difficult or when the baby was not well. For Sophia, not being able to feed her child the way she had hoped made her feel like she was abandoning her baby and left her feeling like a horrible mother.
Looking back, Leah feels like she should have stopped breastfeeding earlier, but she was hard on herself.
Transcript
With my first son, who was born in 2019, I, I had a really, really, really difficult time breastfeeding. It was you know really grueling, painful, he wasn’t gaining weight at the, neither of us were sleeping [laughter]. And so I think that PPD was a big part of that […]
For Susan, stopping breastfeeding was the biggest let down, even though she made this decision for the sake of their mental health and happiness.
Transcript
It was the biggest let down. I felt, you know, when you want something so, so bad and you feel so confident that you’re going to get it and then you don’t. How kind of heartbreaking it is when you don’t get what you want, that you think you should […]
Others shared how a lack of sleep due to breastfeeding affected their mental health, for example when they had to pump to supplement breastfeeding and did not get enough sleep. For example, Christine only wanted to stay in bed since her child was born. She switched from breastfeeding to pumping and when she could not pump anymore, she switched to formula feeding. Meanwhile, Genna realized she needed to sleep to heal, so she accepted that it meant switching to formula feeding overnight.
Therapy helped Sara realize that she had put so much effort in breastfeeding that it had ended up hurting her well-being.
Transcript
Ah! Bien là, c’est un peu long là mais j’ai… J’ai … À la cinquième semaine, mon conjoint m’a presque suppliée de retourner voir ma psychologue! (rire) Ça n’allait vraiment pas. L’allaitement, je pense, a beaucoup… C’est qu’en fait, je pense que la dépression était déjà là, mais je pense […]
While breastfeeding could bring up challenging feelings, many people also shared how it had helped to improve their mental health, for example by creating moments of bonding with their baby. Emma explained that she didn’t want to breastfeed at first but felt that she needed to continue. Now it has become a special bonding time between her and her son.
Continuing breastfeeding, despite the challenges, helped Hope move past the postpartum period.
Written testimony
Had I not had support postpartum, I don’t know, like I don’t know I would’ve stopped breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is, there’s a lot of pressure for women to breastfeed, I get that, that’s a whole other thing. I get it because I am a breastfeeding, like activist, okay, natural birth activist you know, type thing. I just think that there’s a lot of benefits there even though, yes, it’s a choice if you can manage it, I think there’s lots of benefits with the bonding and your sense of mothering and stuff. And I was, when I did not have breast milk, I mean I did, like my lactation consultant said; you have milk, don’t worry, there is some milk, because I’m like, I have no milk, I have no milk. And that reaction to not being able to feed your baby is very primal, you go crazy, you go mental, I can’t feed my baby, my baby’s going to starve, I can’t feed my baby.
We went out and got formula, you know, formula is not crack, formula is another way to feed your kid, I get it. My baby also would not latch on to any feeding device, so you know, she would not feed with the supplement at the breast, she would not feed finger feed, well we got a little bit with finger feed. But we had to end up using like a special needs, it was a disaster to try to get her to supplement, you know. But she needed some supplement . . . while I was getting my supply back. And so, I get that you know, you get as a woman, as a mother, if you can’t feed your baby, you need to feed your baby another way, I understand that and have a lot of compassion and understanding for women who want to breastfeed and then can’t. I could, because I knew what to do. And I had breastfed before and I have a lot of support for breastfeeding, had I not, there’s no way I would’ve.
And I think the breastfeeding relationship has helped me very, very much you know, move on past that postpartum period, and it’s a relationship that I don’t want to end any time soon, and I couldn’t – I’m so glad that it just, I could bridge that very, very difficult period.
Deciding to Change the Feeding Approach
Several people described the moment when they had to decide whether to switch from breastfeeding to formula feeding or combine both methods.
In several cases, family members or health care professionals encouraged mothers to change their feeding method for the mom’s and baby’s well-being. Susan had stopped for two weeks before telling the nurses, fearing their pro-breastfeeding approach. She was relieved when they didn’t react negatively but wished they had offered more support with formula feeding. Some people felt they took too long to decide to switch and wished they had made the change earlier. Others shared that they made different decisions with their second baby, either having learned from their feelings of guilt while feeding their first baby or feeling more confident in making their own choices about their body and mental health.
Leah continued breastfeeding her first child despite many challenges, partly because her husband encouraged her to keep going. With her second baby she was open to trying breastfeeding but made it clear “it’s my body and this one is going to be my call”. To her relief, the second baby latched on easily and there was no need to switch to formula feeing.
Leah's doctor helped her feel less guilty about having to supplement while breastfeeding.
Transcript
Absolutely. Yeah. Like, and the way she delivered, it was perfect. Saying this is – you need to do this. It’s like a treatment. It’s like giving a medicine. Yeah, your baby’s not thriving on breast milk. They need this supplement to. And yeah, that was very helpful wording it […]
As soon as Christine stopped breastfeeding, with the support of her husband, she noticed a decrease in her anxiety and depression.
Transcript
And my husband was very, he still is very involved, incredibly supportive. But that’s part of the reason I wanted to switch to formula. I need you to be able to do feedings just as much as me I need anyone to be able to feed this kid aside from […]
Medication Use and Feeding
Several people we interviewed were taking medication for their mental health which influenced their decisions about infant feeding; their experiences were highly varied as was the advice they received. Given that every situation is unique, and that solutions should be tailored to individual women’s circumstances, seeking the advice of healthcare professionals regarding medications and feeding infants was highly recommended by the women we spoke with.
Some women were taking medication during pregnancy and adjustments while breastfeeding was sometimes required, while others started to take medication after the birth. Many women searched for information about whether their medication could affect their baby through breastfeeding. Most women were reassured by health care professionals that it was safe to continue breastfeeding while on medication. It is recommended that women discuss their own situation and concerns with their health care providers so that they can make an informed decision with regards to breastfeeding. Some also mentioned that certain medications made them feel sleepy and this made breastfeeding more challenging.
After increasing her medication dose, Geneviève had to stop breastfeeding; she found bottle feeding much more calming and peaceful in comparison.
Transcript
Pour l’allaitement bien je n’ai pas… J’avais en fait, je n’ai jamais eu vraiment l’intention d’allaiter dur comme fer. Je m’étais dit, je vais essayer, on verra ce que ça donne. Avec la médication, ça rendait ma peau vraiment fragile, puis après ça, ça ne s’est pas bien passé à […]
After a psychotic episode, Genna took medication and continued breastfeeding reassured by her health care provider that this was safe while on medication.
Transcript
Interviewer: Okay so, you start taking the medication and you said it took about six weeks for it to. . . Six weeks for the hallucinations to finish. I was functional at that point. I would say maybe a week or two in I regained my concentration, regained my ability […]
Besides considerations about whether medication use may affect the baby, people also described weighing considerations about taking medications that could help to mitigate the impact of their mental health issues on the child. One participant chose to delay her treatment until after the baby was weaned, however, it is recommended that you discuss the issue of breastfeeding and specific medications, as well as other available therapy, with your healthcare provider before deciding.
Judgement and Support from Others
Women experienced judgements about baby feeding in various ways. Tara, for example, noted that the hospital provided information only on breastfeeding with no guidance on bottle feeding. Some women felt judged by other mums when seen bottle feeding, struggled with self-imposed judgements about following their preferred feeding methods, or associated not breastfeeding with being a ‘bad’ mother. Several women felt pressure to live up to the image of a ‘perfect mum’ which often included breastfeeding, and some felt unwelcome in certain places while breastfeeding.
At the same time, people also shared stories of encouragement and support from family, friends and health care professionals when discussing their feeding decisions.
At her birthday party, Christine started to cry while telling her friends she wanted to stop breastfeeding but was grateful for their supportive reactions.
Transcript
It was actually my birthday. My son was like two weeks old, and it was my birthday and they brought food and everything and we were sitting, and I remember I kind of started crying and saying like I don’t want to I just don’t want to breastfeed anymore. It’s […]
Erin1 chose to bottle feed due to her medications, but judgements from what she calls 'sancti-mommies' created barriers for her to connect with other mothers.
Transcript
Interviewer: Were you breastfeeding? No. No. I had decided not to breastfeed before I had my son, because I was on an antidepressant. And I was uncomfortable with that being in breast milk. And really, like, I knew – my niece and nephew were formula fed. PMH14: Like, it was […]
Karmin shares that guilt and feelings of failure were fueled by social media and her own struggle to meet certain expectations around parenting and breastfeeding.
Transcript
Yeah, like I kind of felt like my depression and anxiety would get better once I had my baby because I figured that when they – when I had her, like, she would be, like, safe in my arms. But she – it just kind of – I – my […]