Managing New Routines with a Baby
Many people we spoke to described how preparing for birth and caring for their newborn affected their mental health. They also talked about how their own personality or mental health shaped the way they were able to handle to these changes. They mentioned challenges such as adjusting to a new identity, the gap between their expectations and reality and the lack of much–needed time for self-care activities, especially for their mental health. Some felt different from other parents who seemed to cope better, while others experienced loneliness, isolation or a sense of failure in caring for their baby. In addition, many women faced challenges with their own sleep and eating routines as well as with feeding and bonding with their baby. Please click on these highlighted words to learn more about these specific topics.
Having everything in her life influenced by her children was overwhelming for Kalli.
Transcript
Like, I know this is – this sounds like it’s just helping me from day to day but the stress of, like, having my entire life, like, basically, like, influenced by everything that has to do with my children and their routine and their schedule is extremely overwhelming. And the […]
Being unable to meet her own expectations for keeping the house clean and organized made Karmin feel like she was failing.
Transcript
I kind of felt like my depression and anxiety would get better once I had my baby because I figured that when they – when I had her, like, she would be, like, safe in my arms. But she – it just kind of – I – my mood disorder […]
Since the baby's arrival, Aurore spent less time on self-care activities which negatively affected her mental health.
Transcript
Yes, and then, what also, I think, changed after he arrived, was the time to go and exercise, or do yoga, or meditate, or just have some kind of centering and grounding activity, was no longer there. It was no longer there, and I’m still trying to get it back, […]
While caring for her child's severe eczema, Kaitlyn put her own care at the bottom of the list, which strained her mental health.
Transcript
I became so preoccupied with dealing with my child’s severe eczema that I just – my mental health just became so far down the list that I just kept going out of necessity I guess. And I just completely let myself fall through the cracks. Like the advice that I […]
Adapting to a New Identity
Becoming a parent had a big impact on how participants saw themselves. For some women, it meant shifting from being at work to being a mum at home. Others felt trapped or had thoughts of not wanting this new kind of life. Candace felt she had lost her sense of who she was, while Joan felt her old self was gone, and Aurore described it as ‘fumbling’ and having to find her own groove.
Michelle1 feels profoundly changed by becoming a mother, having a son, and having had severe depression.
Transcript
Interviewer: Do you feel like yourself again now? No. I’m trying to wean off the Zoloft. I felt like myself when I was on a higher dose of Zoloft but I don’t want to be on the medication forever. So, I still have some anxiety now, now that I’m on […]
Candace talks about the myths of a "good mum" and how she was trying to figure out who she was as a mother.
Transcript
To not show weakness or … And there’s so much, so many myths around what a good mom is, and there’s so many things that even in, you know, when you’re pregnant that people don’t even talk about, like the discomforts of being pregnant, and so many things about labour […]
Personal Traits and Anxieties About Roles and Routines
Several women shared how their personal traits, like being a “type A” kind of person, liking routines, feeling anxious about the unknown or wanting to do everything on their own, affected their mental health as they adjusted to their new role and routine. On the other hand, some women experienced reacting to change in ways that they felt were too strong or out of character. Others talked about feeling anxious about their baby’s well-being and constantly worrying if they were doing things the right way.
When her baby didn't stop crying one night, Aurore felt completely incompetent not being able to soothe him.
Transcript
I remember one time where he was crying, and… but we… when we… once we discovered that he had this digestion issue… so we had, you know, figured out different strategies to soothe him, and one of which was rocking and singing to him. So that was really, really helpful […]
Going from a successful working life to being with her child every day has challenged Julie to expand her skillset.
Transcript
It’s humbling. It is humbling. It is absolutely humbling. Because, you know, you – in occupation, if it’s been very much part of an identity and you’re, you know, I’ve worked years and years and years to be successful in being an expert in a certain domain. And I am […]
For Sophia, having a newborn brought a lot of unknowns, which made her feel insecure.
Transcript
Euh… Bien moi je voyais que mon… Moi je suis quelqu’un de très, très organisée, puis là je voyais que tous mes… C’est ce qui me sécurise dans la vie, je suis quelqu’un d’abord très, très insécure face à l’inconnu, puis un nouveau bébé, on s’entend que ce n’est que […]
Isolation
Many women talked about feeling isolated or lonely in the first few months after giving birth, especially when their daily routine was drastically changed, spending so many hours at home with their newborn. Others mentioned the impact of living far away from family and friends, having a baby during the COVID period, or feeling uncomfortable going out with a fussy baby. Others were worried about being judged by others when they did go out. In addition, dealing with their own personal mental health issues made it harder to go out and connect with others.
Susan put on a happy face but felt embarrassed; she didn't want anyone to know she was struggling.
Transcript
And I thought, oh my God, this is the rest of my life. Like this is going to be the rest of my life. I remember that night just thinking like my world has just changed and not for the better. I felt so alone and so isolated and it […]
Fearing judgement from other mothers while bottle feeding her baby contributed to Erin1's isolation.
Transcript
Interviewer: Were you breastfeeding? No. No. I had decided not to breastfeed before I had my son, because I was on an antidepressant. And I was uncomfortable with that being in breast milk. And really, like, I knew – my niece and nephew were formula fed. Like, it was – […]
Being a new mom with postpartum depression and anxiety during a global pandemic was incredibly isolating for Erin2.
Transcript
You know on top of having depression, and anxiety, and being a new mom and like having to figure everything out for the first time it was also living through a global pandemic that nobody knew anything about. So we didn’t know what COVID was, how contagious it was. We […]
Getting Better
Several women mentioned that they started feeling better after a few months. Finding a routine or new rhythm, getting comfortable with getting out more easily, and adjusting to the new situation were some of the things that helped. Geneviève started to feel better when she decided to start bottle feeding, which helped her to get out and reduced her feelings of isolation. Others found that support from friends or family helped them feel better. And Amanda1 said that participating in group therapy with a social worker helped her to normalize what she was experiencing.
The social worker in Amanda1's group therapy motivated her to get out a bit more which helped her process the changes.
Transcript
The group therapy led by the social worker she was it was a great support as well. Because she was able to sort of normalize a lot of what I was going through and we would talk about, you know, what happens when you feel this way? What how do […]
Christine wants people to know that you will adjust to a new normal and things do get easier.
Transcript
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Well, I mean, I think that’s something else I would say to anyone else who’s experiencing this is, when I was in it, I really could never picture myself feeling the way I do now. Like, my son is a handful. You know, he’s a typical, just […]
Transitioning into motherhood is a beautiful process and Genna feels that we don't honour this enough.
Transcript
I mean I think it’s changed my spiritual beliefs. I don’t have answers to what I felt but it made me have a lot of respect for women and this beautiful process that women go through and become mothers. I really feel like I went through a transition to becoming […]