Sharing Experiences
Women valued the support they received from family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and healthcare professionals. They also found it helpful to hear how others had experienced and managed perinatal mental health challenges. Although not everyone had joined formal support groups, those who did described their experiences with a range of different kinds of groups – some were led by professionals, others were self-organized, and some attended online groups. While these groups offered different types of activities, sharing personal experiences was a key part of them. Women had different preferences and sometimes had to actively search for a group that felt right for them. They especially appreciated groups where they felt safe to share their experiences, free from judgement and expectations.
Finding a Group
Women talked about attending regular community-based activities involving groups of moms and babies, such as story time at the library, swimming lessons or activities in early childhood centres. While many enjoyed participating in these activities, some women felt out of place – especially when it seemed like other parents were seemingly in control and always exuding happiness or when they felt judged for not being the ‘perfect mom’.
Women found support groups in different ways, such as through healthcare professionals, seeing posters or information in a waiting room, or by reaching out to organizations that featured special services such as for anxiety, phobias or perinatal mental health (find some of these organizations on our resources page). Others found virtual groups or accessed personal stories online. Leah attended a support group through a research study that included these kinds of activities and Susan found her group at a clinic: “I was waiting for four hours to see the doctor, and I saw this poster that was on the wall and it was for the, ‘Not What I Expected Support Group’ ”. One woman even took the initiative to create new types of support, by starting a café for parents and hosting local sessions where parents can talk to others and hear they are not alone.
Some of these in-person or online groups were led by professionals such as a social worker, doula or psychiatrist, while others were self-organized by a group of parents.
A mentor and an online support group helped Amanda2 realize she was not alone.
Transcript
At that point that’s when I connected with Postpartum Support International and I attended the support groups and I had what they call the mentor through that program, so a mom who was many years out of the darkness of it all, but she was able to talk to me […]
Joining a group where Michelle1 could share her experiences with people who understand was a great support for her.
Transcript
So, that was a great source of support for me early on because I – it’s a woman – the woman that runs it is a registered social worker. And she was the first person I spoke to, I did a phone interview with her and she was the first […]
Group Activities and How it Helped the Women
A key part of most groups was sharing personal experiences. Some women also took part in specific activities such as mindfulness exercises, relaxation techniques or activities such as creating a family tree. And a few women mentioned that they were able to make use of child care services while attending their groups.
Sharing experiences helped many women realize that they were not alone. Erin2 said: “it really did make me feel like I wasn’t alone in it, and that I wasn’t crazy, and that it wasn’t just me that was feeling like these crazy feelings”. It helped to hear that others were going through similar things. It also helped women recognize their own symptoms, learn new coping strategies and even see the positive side of things. Amanda said: “And hearing her story, I thought to myself I said ‘Wow, you know, that’s a completely different challenge from what I’m going through’ And not that she had it worse than I did but she had it different than I did and … that’s maybe something I can focus on that’s going okay in my life”. Being in a judgement-free space where experiences could be shared openly was especially valuable for many women. Candace shared: “This very tragic thing that can happen to you can bond you with some of the most inspiring strong women that you’ll probably ever meet in your life”. For some women, the impact was so profound that the groups played an important role in their healing and, in some cases, even saved their lives.
Erin1 found a support group at a community hospital, and it saved her by helping her realize that she's not alone.
Transcript
Interviewer: So how did you get through this? I mean, you know, you’re in a different place now. What – what did – what happened, eventually, to turn the corner? We had put my son’s name on daycare waiting lists. And I went and I toured one that was just […]
Knowing that she could reach out to the women in the support group anytime without being judged saved Susan many times.
Transcript
I also went to a postpartum depression support group and that group helped so much. I was there during the thick of the postpartum depression. There were six of us and we all had babies around the same age and we were all going through very similar things even though […]
At first Amanda1 didn't recognize herself in other people's stories, but the group helped her realize that others were going through the same thing.
Transcript
She was born in November. So um, you know, here I am off work again and um struggling with uh struggling with a newborn at home. Once she, once her jaundice was taken care of and, and um it was pretty hard. I felt really numb. I didn’t know anybody […]
Sara found a group where she could speak when she needed to, but never felt pressured.
Transcript
Bien, j’ai une amie qui a étudié en psychologie qui m’a… Puis c’est elle qui est venue me voir quand j’ai fait mon espèce de psychose là, puis oui, elle m’a beaucoup aidée. Oui, j’ai vu, il y avait les deux personnes qui étaient en congé de maternité en même […]
However, not everyone we spoke with sought out or liked attending support groups. Some women didn’t enjoy certain activities while others couldn’t relate to the stories shared or even felt worse after hearing them. Some women in smaller villages decided not to attend support groups as the professionals hosting the groups were also part of their community which made them uncomfortable sharing in small circles. Others preferred to speak to their friends and family about their challenges.
Hearing others share different experiences made Josée-Anne feel worse, especially since she didn't have a diagnosis yet.
Transcript
Bien oui, j’allais à des réunions pour essayer de voir un petit peu… J’espérais avoir du support, avoir justement des gens peut-être qui me comprennent. Et finalement, souvent c’était beaucoup des choses différentes de moi. Ce n’était pas ça, c’étaient des gens qui avaient des phobies, exemple : « Ah! moi quand […]
Erin2 didn't recognize herself in the stories she read online, which made her think she did not have postpartum depression or anxiety.
Transcript
I had a mom group that I luckily had through a website. And it was all just moms who had babies born in the same month as my son. But they were international which was really cool. And so I knew that there were women out there that you know, […]
Several women also experienced a shift in their role over time: after initially attending as participants, they later became mentors for newcomers.
At first, the support group helped Caroline, but over time, she grew into a role where she was supporting newcomers, but this began to affect her, so she stopped going.
Transcript
Mais… Puis c’est ça, puis si je me suis encore des fois réveillée avec des sentiments de vide, de douleurs intenses le matin. Parce que mon conjoint à un moment donné, il est retourné travailler, t’sais il a eu son… Je lui ai donné beaucoup de mes semaines, parce que […]
Supporting other women who were struggling with their mental health helped Candace be accountable to herself and her own health.
Transcript
Counselling and medication. I didn’t succeed in finding any moms or any support groups in the community at that time. So three months after my daughter was born, three to four months, there were no support groups for women with postpartum adjustment issues. There was, there was nothing, and I […]
Following their experiences with mental health, some women made big changes in their lives such as changing their career to be better able to help others. You can read more about their experiences in the section on work, finances and mental health. Many others described reaching out to mothers with newborns to let them know there is support if needed and to help build awareness. Emma said “if my story resonates in any way, shape, or form with someone else that maybe helps them get through the day, or have a me-too moment, or get through that dark time, I want them to have that story. Because I know that storytelling saves lives”.
A key moment for Susan was when someone reached out to support her; now she is doing the same for others.
Transcript
Whenever I notice somebody has a baby I always reach out to them maybe a month after the baby’s born because somebody did that for me and that was the first person that I told about how I was feeling and confided in her and told her, this is how […]