Susan feels guilty about accepting a new job and keeps overthinking what might happen to her child.

Transcript

I’m more confident as a mom now but then I think of all the things in the future that, you know, we haven’t gone through yet and I have no idea what’s next, and that’s scary. And I worry that, you know, going back to work, you know, if I go back to work in October or November is it going to mess her up, you know. So I have all these things that I’m paranoid about and things that, you know, other moms just sort of take in stride and they’re like, oh well, it’s just a part of, you know, what we have to do but for me I’m constantly worrying about it and, you know, dissecting it and overthinking things and wondering, you know, is this decision going to screw up my child and thinking that it will.

I had a possible job opportunity recently. I was down to the last two candidates and I did the last interview and I felt really confident about it and I thought, wow, I was torn because I was overcome with this guilt of, I want this so bad, I want this career so bad, but I also don’t want to leave her yet, you know? And so I had that guilt just riding me for days. I couldn’t get rid of that guilty feeling and I didn’t end up getting the position anyway and when I got that rejection email I was torn. I felt so broken inside. I felt like, you know, wow, I’m never going to get a job in this field again, am I? Like I’m never going to get back to where I was before. I’m not going to get back to that management level. I’m not going to have that career. You know, I’m just going to be working at some part-time job for the rest of my life because …

Interviewer: Was it another kind of position?

Yeah, so in that position it was actually I’m the person that I would have managed in my last job. So I’m an employee on the floor right now whereas before I would have been the boss of that employee. So it was kind of hard to take that step down even though I absolutely love what I do. It is still very hard and a part of you feels kind of like a failure as well. That’s kind of a hard pill to swallow, for sure.

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