Shayna noticed that, as a caregiver for a spouse, you may lose some of your identity as a married woman.
Transcript
So again, we did the best we could. Would I have done it differently in retrospect? I probably would have been more my own advocate as well, which I didn’t know how to be. Which is why what I do, now that I’m a widow, I try to make people aware. There’s a whole issue I think that people are afraid to talk about when it’s a female who’s the caregiver: the loss of feminism. You are pushing that wheelchair, often through the snow if you live where we live. I remember once we were invited to a party and all the wives were dropped off as I dropped off my husband and went to park the car with all the men, and then came back and again the invisibility and everybody chatting how wonderful it was to see him. And then all the husbands and I went to get the cars and shovelling off the snow and warming up the car. And then, as these women are waiting for their husbands to drive up and go into the warm car, I drove up frozen to get my husband in the car and it just hit me. There’s a whole piece of feminism—and that is a very integral part of being a woman and in a marriage—that is gone. It’s really gone, and that’s another loss that you mourn.
More content
- What is it like to be a caregiver? – Shayna Caring for someone with a chronic illness meant that Shayna was making different decisions from other families.
- Uncovering how and why caregivers care – ShaynaShayna started by trying to do everything, but realized later that it is hard to change.
- Society and caregiving – ShaynaWhen you are living with someone with a chronic illness, you cannot always do things in a ’normal’ way. Shayna learned that people can respond very strongly to this.
- Social impact and lifestyle changes – Shayna (2)It can be challenging for children to grow up in a situation where one parent is sick and needs continuous care. Shayna tried to find the right balance with her family.
- Social impact and lifestyle changes – 2 – ShaynaFor her son’s wedding, Shayna wrote a letter in her husband’s name to ask people to enjoy the day so his absence would not be a source of distraction.
- Resources – ShaynaThanks to the adjustments made through a government program, Shayna and her husband maintain a higher level of independence.
- Interaction with professionals – ShaynaShayna describes two negative encounters with health care professionals that had an impact on her husband’s ability to deal with his illness.
- Impact on professional life and career – ShaynaAt times, Shayna’s caregiving responsibilities affected her performance at work.
- Health system issues – ShaynaPrograms that help the care recipient remain functional in society are indispensible. Shayna finds it important to see the bigger picture.
- Effects of care recipients’ behaviour – ShaynaShayna says: "It makes a tremendous difference for the caregiver if the care recipient recognizes the caregiver’s efforts and well-being."