Matsonia

Cares for her husband

Age at interview: 59
Age at start of caregiving: 47

Matsonia (59 years) is married and has one child from a previous marriage. She is the caregiver for her husband (76 years) who did not have children. She worked in hairstyling and as a manager of her husband’s yacht club, but retired 12 years ago. When Matsonia met her husband 12 years ago, he had already been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Her caregiving started with giving him his medication, and now she is providing 24/7 care. She just recently started receiving help with this. Her husband goes twice a week to a care centre and receives four hours of home care weekly.

Matsonia met her husband on a blind date 12 years ago. They went to a restaurant and she just noticed that there was something wrong with him, so after they spent a really nice time, she got the guts to ask him if he had Parkinson’s. Shortly after, she moved in with him, as she knew he was the one for her. After that first day she says that she never saw the illness again but only the husband she loves so much. Her husband now needs 24/7 care and cannot be left alone due to his developing dementia. She recently noticed how the caregiving activities have increased her stress and she is trying to deal with this.

In the beginning of their relationship she noticed that her partner was not medicating himself properly, and her caregiver’s role started with helping him with this. She tried to find ways to regulate, and not forget, his medication.

Through the years she has learned to find solutions to certain problems that you face as a caregiver.  For instance, she explains how the use of a pill timer with an alarm has changed her life; how she tries to detect bladder infections as early as possible by using detection strips, and how she has found solutions to the personal care issues for her husband, such as showering and diaper use.

Her husband has scheduled activities outside their home twice a week. This gives her just enough time to do all the necessary activities related to caregiving, but doesn’t leave any time for herself. The homecare staff change-over time makes it harder for her to make plans, as she often needs to stay around to give instructions to the carer. She appreciates the respite program for veterans that is designed to help the caregiver keep the care recipient at home longer.

Because of her husband’s state, she prefers to have friends over in the early afternoon so that they are able to see him at his best. She feels that not everybody understands her approach and that some people have felt unwelcome to stay longer. Matsonia feels that his friends and family resent her and think that she keeps her husband locked in the closet. Matsonia feels that they don’t bother getting to know her well.

Due to her husband’s behaviour, she went through a long and difficult eight-year journey before finding out that the medication he had been taking was causing hyper sexuality. She describes how this has had financial and relational consequences. His hypersexuality decreased immediately once he stopped taking these medications. Life is peaceful now and Matsonia is enjoying getting to know her real husband.

Go back

More content

• Adapting to new roles and key issues for spouses – Matsonia
  For Matsonia, knowing her husband is the best thing that has ever happened to her.
• When care changes over time (2) – Matsonia
  After consulting a pharmacist, Matsonia’s husband was able to adjust his medications. Now, they both sleep better.
• When care changes over time – Matsonia
  Matsonia has observed a form of dementia emerge which makes it harder to care for her husband.
• The future and caregiving – Matsonia
  In two years, Matsonia hopes to move into a new home that better suits her husband’s needs.
• Personal growth and transformation – Matsonia
  Matsonia feels fulfilled and happy knowing she can take care of her husband.
• Navigating the system – Matsonia
  “You have to be creative and foxy sometimes”, says Matsonia about resolving a medication issue with the nurses in a care facility.
• Effects of care recipients’ behaviour – Matsonia
  Certain medication made Matsonia’s husband hypersexual. It is not something people speak about easily, and it took some time to discover the cause.
• Becoming a caregiver – Matsonia
  When Matsonia started dating her husband, she didn’t know that he had Parkinson’s disease
• Advice for other caregivers – Matsonia (2)
  Over time and with experience, Matsonia has learned many tricks to make the caring easier.
• Advice for other caregivers – Matsonia
  Don’t turn down help, even if your care recipient is refusing it. Use the help available to you. Matsonia explains that the caregiver must be careful not to burn out.