Effects of care recipients’ behaviour – Elaine


Despite her concerns, it was important for Elaine’s husband to continue doing work around the house. She learned to stand back and let him do what he can.


I’ve been very frustrated with him because he has this very stubbornness that he was going to keep on climbing ladders. He was going to keep doing projects when I felt that he shouldn’t be doing this, that it was too dangerous. And it was always my perception over his. And then I’d get mad because he was still going to do it anyway. And I overstepped my bounds in a lot of those times and I realized he’s got to take ownership of that himself. If he feels he can still roof a shed then, I’ve got to let him do that. He has still got to feel like a man, and a viable man, a man that can contribute. That’s very important to him and I’m sure any man. […] I’m not married to couch potato. So all of a sudden, just because his legs don’t work for him that means, “All right, I can still crawl.” And he does. “I can still get in my scooter and cut the grass.” And he does. And he finds out different ways of handling things. So I’ve had to, when I spent a lot of time there being angry at him because he was still trying to do all these things, and I had to step back and say, “This isn’t getting anywhere. I’m all angry and upset, and I’m upsetting him, and he’s still doing it anyway.” So I had to learn from that and I hope I have. It’s you get protective. And I think, well, he needs this much sleep, and he should be doing this, and he should be doing that, and that’s that power and control again that you sort of have to stand back and let them still try to do what they can do. But you’re so afraid that everything’s going to be gone, so he tries still to do what he can.

More from:

More content