Challenging emotions and feelings – Fernanda (2)


When Fernanda’s mother went into a facility, Fernanda felt like she was betraying and abandoning her.


Because I’ve always taken care of my parents. Where I come from, that’s what we do. We don’t just give our parents away. We, we look after our parents. So for me to have to admit to myself that I wasn’t able to, it was very hard number 1. Number 2, it was very hard for me to leave her in a nursing home where there are people with dementia. My mother is full mental capability: she can have, she discusses politics, religion everything. For me to leave her, I thought I was abandoning her. And she was so much more accepting than I was. She was the one to sit me down and say, “This is the way that life is. It’s a next stage of life for me, and you have to accept that.” And so she did it more because she didn’t want to see me cry, I think, because it was hard. I can’t even explain it. I don’t know if it was I just felt like I was betraying her, abandoning her, and I didn’t want her to feel that. Because what I wanted for my parents was to be able to give them the very best that I could give them for the last years of their life. They lived their whole life for me to put me through school, to educate me, to…we lived 2 countries, we emigrated, they went through hell and back for their kids, and that’s why they did it. They immigrated to better places so their kids could have a better life, and so the least that I could do was to try and give them a better life.

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