Trying to find the right balance – Mike


It is not easy for Mike to speak with his wife about his needs; he doesn’t want to make her feel guilty.


I think she wants more time at this time to do more things on her own, than with my being here. That’s my thoughts. It’s terrible to say. And again, caregivers don’t seem to talk that much back and forth with [the] person that they’re taking care of about those types of things, because you don’t want to insult them, you don’t make them feel bad, you don’t want them to feel guilty because you’re not doing something. But if you tell them, then you’re going to feel guilty because you make them feel guilty. It becomes this cycle, and that’s why I say it just takes time to roll with it. A lot of that stuff is now getting past me. I’m able to say, “Well, I’m going to go golf.” And I practiced today. I went down and had golf lessons today. I come through the door, “how was the golf lesson did you do okay?” I mean, Judy’s right up on that. 

What I’m looking at, depending on how this disease goes with my wife, I know at some point—another five, hopefully five years from now, or even longer, and maybe [it] never happens—I’m going to have to spend more time here, because […] she’s still walking, but with difficulty and pretty soon—I shouldn’t say pretty soon, but it will be eventually—she’ll need a wheelchair to get from here to the bedroom. I know that’s coming, so I try to get as much time as I can away, but I can’t have too much time away either. But I do know that now and she knows that too—that that will eventually come. So, we’ll have to handle that when the time comes and I am not looking forward to that, because I need my time by myself. Every caregiver does.

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