Rachel was always worried about her mother’s safety. Now, with more support in place, she thinks she could leave the city for the first time in her life.
Transcript
I’ve never left the city because I’ve always been too concerned about her to leave. But I’m getting to the point where I’m 27 and I think have a right to live my life. She’s my mom and I know she wants me to live my life at the same time. So, I am toying with the idea of leaving, which is something I’ve always wanted to do. It’s hard because every day you’re trying to live without regrets, so you have to do whatever works best for you to ensure that you feel comfortable about the decisions that you make. But, I also think you have a right to live your life, and to be who you are—and that they want you to. One of the women in my support group lives at home with her mom, [and] has always lived at home with her mom. She’s a lawyer too actually. There are three lawyers in our group; it is quite weird. I don’t know what that is about. [She] lives at home with her mom and they have no help at all; she does everything. She does the groceries, she works 9-5, comes home makes dinner, gets the groceries, cleans the house— she does everything. And, I don’t think she’s serving her mom because I don’t think she’s helping herself. If you’re not taking care of yourself, then you’re not taking care of the other person. So, finding balance, I think, is really important. That took me a really long time. Before, when I was depressed, I just wouldn’t leave my house because I was concerned about her, and then I just started to resent her and her existence. So, I did something to change that, and also now we have support systems in place that allow me to not feel like I need to be there all the time. So, I’ve been lucky, but I think finding the balance is probably the most important thing. I think I’ve found a pretty good one.
More from: Rachel
More content
- What is it like to be a caregiver? – RachelRealizing that it’s long-term is tough and sometimes Rachel wonders where the end is.
- Trying to find the right balance – Rachel (2)Rachel was always worried about her mother’s safety. Now, with more support in place, she thinks she could leave the city for the first time in her life.
- Trying to find the right balance – RachelCaring for someone can be beneficial if you allow it to be, says Rachel. Finding the balance is important.
- Support from family and friends – RachelWhen Rachel started opening up to friends, she found that many of them were also caring for their parents.
- Personal growth and transformation – RachelRachel has a close bond with her mother, and appreciates the time she has spent with her.
- Impact on health – RachelRachel thinks that all caregivers need to see a therapist whose moral compass is in-line with their own.
- Effects of care recipients’ behaviour – RachelRachel worries that her mother is no longer safe living by herself. Still, her mother wants nothing to do with assisted living.
- Challenging emotions and feelings – RachelRachel describes two incidents with her mother and how it made her fearful that something serious could happen when she wasn’t there.
- Becoming a caregiver -RachelRachel was a teenager when her mother was diagnosed with MS. She thinks she blocked a lot out, but remembers knowing she had to be there for her