Challenging emotions and feelings

I think there’s a point where you can become so frustrated that no matter how caring you are, you’re going to help a little too hard. You’re going to, and that should be a signal to get a break. I know that was true for me. Just, it’s normal, it’s natural. You need to know it’s normal, you need to know it’s natural, and you need to back off. When you live 24/7 with illness your emotions are going to reflect in little ways at some point, and I think that’s very important because you neither want to be the abuser and you don’t want somebody abused. And you know it, it but the anger—the anger at the illness not necessarily the person, the anger at what used to be your life and isn’t, the anger at how people treat you, the anger of life affects you long-term. Again, I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s true in a short-term caregiving relationship. But when you’re talking about years, decades, it’s a different dynamic and I think that’s a very important piece.

I mean, I considered myself the optimum of caregivers. I considered my, and yet I can honestly say, I’m sure that there was a time or two when I helped just a little too hard. Because of everything that was inside—I didn’t hurt, I didn’t abuse, but that is abuse. It is abuse. It’s not abuse as we see it, but if it’s a, if I had the wherewithal to know I needed to get out of the house and go for a walk or something, but if you don’t have that insight into yourself, it’s a very slippery slope.

So I think for some people, the ill person might be safer left alone, and having them take a walk around the block than continuing in that anger towards the illness, towards whatever it is. The emotion, the bubbling over of emotions.

Well I’m sure my husband didn’t realize I helped a little too hard. Yeah it didn’t happen often, but I would be a liar to say it never happened.